Drinking... A LOVE Story?

I came across this book by Caroline Knapp, called Drinking, A Love Story I was intrigued by the title...I had to know more. So, I checked the book out from the library and began to read. I couldn't stop reading, the words seemed to jump off the page as if they were written for me and about me. Caroline Knapp went through a painful alcoholic journey, and shared it in this moving memoir. One theme that seems to run through out the book, is a theme of women feeling self loathing or self hatred. This, too resonates with me. I don't know why, but I never feel good enough...as a parent, a wife, a child, a friend, an employee. And drinking was a way to numb myself and not have to deal with these feelings. Although I haven't had any alcohol in six years, the smell of beer or wine still tempts me, and there are times when I have nightmares that someone has sneaked liquor into my soda and tricked me into drinking alcohol, and all I have worked for is lost. I am still not as self aware as I would like to be. My addictions now have gravitated towards food, although the self numbing and self medicating of food doesn't seem as satisfying to me as the buzz on a Friday night, it is still some sort of comfort seeking thing. In my mind, I know this. I know I shouldn't shove four Snickers bars down my throat and then have a bowl of ice cream. I know it will make me sick. But I still do it anyway. Is this any healthier than drinking? I don't know. I thought I was doing so well, but in reading this book, it has made me think about it. I am going to have to do some self analysis on why I dislike myself so much. The vicious cycle of feeling fat and unattractive, so I binge on fattening foods and then feel horrible about myself, is getting pretty old. I'm in my 40's now, you'd think I would have more of a handle on who exactly I am, but I can't seem to find anything concrete. I can't say I have very strong opinions about anything. I don't seem to be able to voice my concerns in a crowd. I can't stand up for myself, because I don't know what I believe in. Is this a spiritual crisis? Would it help if I exercised or meditated on a regular basis? I'm sure it wouldn't hurt. Perhaps meditation or prayer is the answer. Perhaps there isn;t any one answer...but the journey of self discovery that we all must take.
Anyway, I would highly suggest this book to anyone who is an alcoholic, or knows an alcoholic and wonders how they got that way, or what the hell they're thinking as they're killing themselves.
A very sad side note to this is that as I was reading this book, I was so moved by Caroline Knapp, that I wanted to email her and tell me how moved I was by her book. How it really touched me and gave me a lot to think about. So, I googled her to find out more about her, and I found out that she had passed away a few years ago from lung cancer. It made me truly, truly sad.